If there is one thing that I’m learning about myself and the things that I’m trying to change about me, is that I’m not the victim if I refuse to change.
I don’t get to have that luxury, and others shouldn’t either.
Lately all I keep thinking about is how I should’ve just shut the fuck up. Like, I don’t say how I’m feeling for a reason, and then something big and scary proves me right for being a feeling hoarder. Talking to doc makes me feel like I’ve buried so much shit in the past and now it’s coming back to bite me in the ass. It was much easier to sweep things under the rug and forget about them, but I never realized how sentimental I actually am to little things. This new wave of emotions this month is leaving a lot of room for feeling like shit from the most unlikely places. It bugs me that I used to let all of this shit go - but it also bugs me that people remain set in their ways to change, but constantly make themselves out to be a victim. I often wonder if I’m doing the same thing. Doc said I’m trying to project so that I don’t feel so bad - a side effect of moving on so quickly without proper means of dealing I guess. It makes sense. I just wish it didn’t have to leave me so fucking sad when I want normal things like a general sense of stability, a nice apartment and a decent love interest that isn’t going to make me feel like shit for being crazy or isn’t going to judge me based on the fact that I am definitely crazy. There is no truth in words anymore.
I’m almost 30 and I’m writing about how I feel. What a disaster.
I cackle every time I hear a poor unsuspecting child talk about how they want to be in the ‘Fashion’ industry.
No one in fashion/apparel actually wants to be in fashion/apparel unless you’re a) a high end designer b) Anna Wintour and her celebrity gorlfranz or c) flawfree queen Linda Fargo.
Working in this industry is hell. Nasty Gal is fun at the launch parties, but shit like that wasn’t built in a day. The thing about working in Fashion is being personally grounded from the get go, and absolutely certain that this is what you want to do. You will be humiliated times a hundred before you get to any actual position of power - and if you can handle that, then you’re golden.
These fashion blogs and all these idealistic ideas that my friends have about working in the industry are cute as shit, and exactly what I was thinking 10 years ago. Never did I once think about the hell I’d have to go through.
The only thing I gain from this industry is nerve on a daily basis, and a better understanding of why shit is overpriced. Ya’ll sleeping on some shit, because I want to kill myself daily.
I barely had a life outside this place, and I’ve clawed my way to mediocre. But I’m also determined for this passion so I’m in it 2 win it you feel me? Make sure your heart is into it before you start telling people you see yourself in ‘fashion’, because you won’t actually be in it for a looong time bby boo. You’d have to be sincerely talented and flawfree… just look at Kanye bitching about fashion and he has money. The fashion industry is not kind, and ruthless and they will never let you forget where you came from.
My job is the reason I enjoy drinking so much.
I was at my sisters yesterday and we ended up watching ‘Rich Kids of Beverly Hills’. My sister and I were close to a partnering suicide.
I feel like these kids represent everything people hate about Los Angeles culture and I agree with their sentiments. I would hate Los Angeles, too if I had to deal or even listen to these douche bags.
Luckily, LA is more 80% chill as fuck and isn’t like that whatsoever. Not everyone talks like they’re retarded here, so I feel some solace in my narcissism.
top selfies 2k13
I had such a good year.
I spent time with my family, and friends and met a huge group of people through Lyft and completely changed and grew personally. Money was bountiful this year and I even had a boyfriend for like 34 seconds which is a huge step forward for me. I managed to swallow some negative shit that would normally ruin my life, and I also found out that its okay to not want to be friends with toxic people of my past. I moved forward and in the processed made and built some of the strongest relationships and also just reinforced a few of my older relationships with friends and reconnected with people.
It truly was a year of bangerz in my personal life and on my playlist. I can’t wait to see what the rest of the year has in store, and I’m excited to keep moving forward and enjoying my life in the last year of my twenties.
Also, saw the Pixies, and Depeche Mode this year. Got fun cray cray drunk and did hilariously bad life things, did drugs recreation ally, and just overall lived my life and experimented with a lot of different things. I’m pretty fucking excited about life.
I basically completed all of my goals, and I’m ready for a new set of goals.
Current Jam: Morrissey - Suedehead